My wish list

deliriously happy tears
sleepless nights
exhausted, hormonal tears
THAT newborn smell
sore, leaky boobs
a birth day cake
the best bottle of champagne, cause we survived
a million nappies to change in a day
happy, newborn photo's to add to our photo wall
sleep cycles, feeding cycles, 24 hour time
milk drunk baby
load after load of washing
Maternal and child health nurse visit with a baby to weigh, check over and coo over
a bassinet beside my bed with teeny little newborn sounds reassuring us all night
to watch Millie come over all mother hen with a real, touchable, huggable baby


Nearly there xxxx

A day

4am
awake
worried
prodding
poking
small movement
asleep
7am
awake
worried
prodding
uneasiness
knots
headache
driving
driving
child vomit
friends
tears
can't breath
vomit
prodding
worried
deep breaths
distractions
driving
driving
driving
hospital
monitors
silence
.
.
.
vomit
can't breath
room spinning
blinding white terror
NOOOOOOO
new midwife
135 bpm
relief
breath
just breath
perfect trace
exhausted
emotional
home
collapse
fetal position
grumpy
edgy
sleep

Not so bad...

I am 33 weeks pregnant today. I had my weekly check up at the hospital and as we were driving away I realised that I was feeling happy, excited and kinda calm.

I didn't expect to be this calm this late in the pregnancy. I expected to be a bit of a mess actually! I could quite easily be a mess but I believe my calmness is largely due to the amazing way I am being treated by the hospital. I just can not fault them. Nothing is too much trouble. There is an appointment for me with a doctor and including a scan AS OFTEN AS I NEED! I have been told over and over again that I can come in ANY TIME for monitoring, that ensuring my anxiety is alleviated as much as possible is the priority and the doctors are on top of everything.

Our baby girl is growing beautifully, she looks strong and everything looks healthy in there. I believe that all bases are covered and that we are being given the best possible chance of having a breathing, healthy baby in our arms in 5 weeks time.

I finish work this week *happy, happy dance* and I am really looking forward to spending lots of quality one on one time with Jackson and Millie and my friends.

Life is good!

All you need is love

We are so lucky to have each other and our mutual adoration for our kids!

That's what gets us through the rough times.

I love you Brendon, you really are an amazing Dad and husband!

Thankyou xx

Rituals

For the last week or so I have been waking up at 4am in a panic thinking that I havn't felt the baby move all night (probably because I was sleeping ;)). Soo I get up and drink a very cold drink, go back to bed and wait. Almost immediantly, off she goes, with lots of dancing and wriggling in my belly. Enough to send me back into the land of nod!

Only this morning at 4am when I did this, she didn't move. Not even a hiccup to console my worry. I lay there for three hours poking and prodding, standing up sitting down, lying on my side, everything. No movement. I planned to go straight to the hospital as soon as the first child stirred.

Jackson came in at 7am and suddenly there was a party in my tummy and she has, literally, not stopped all day!

Massively huge PHEW!!!!!