at a place of acceptance. I am feeling grateful for what I do have. Jackson, Millie and Lola just couldn't be any cuter. Jackson and Millie fill my days with sweetness, kisses and cuddles and Lola reminds me to be in the moment, right there with them all.
I have been remembering lately the lessons I learnt in the beginning. I have been remembering that life is precious and when things are going along nicely, well you just have to be happy and grateful for that moment.
Sometimes I do forget to stop and smell the roses, sometimes I get so caught up in the grind of juggling work, and a family that I get grouchy and impatient(and I yell) and then something will remind me to slow down and take those moments to enjoy what is here and right in front of me.
Take those moments and treasure them, enjoy them, relish those hugs and kisses and smiles and the preciousness of what you DO have.
Have a lovely weekend my friends xxx
Friday, June 4, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Offensive? YES!
There is something that has been bothering me for a while, as time goes on my annoyance is gaining momentum. I really dislike, in fact am offended by, people using the word retarded in a derogatory sense.
I have always felt uncomfortable when people use this word to describe someone who does something silly, mean, bad or gets extremely drunk. But I admit I didn't really know or understand my discomfort at the use of this word so I never really thought about it.
Then my friend had a son with a condition that medical dictionaries describe a feature of which to be mental retardation. I saw that she was hurt by the use of this word in a derogatory sense and so I felt offended on her behalf but I didn't truly understand her hurt.
However, the more time I spent with her little man the more I felt personally upset by the way people use this word too. Why? Because he is the exact opposite of what that word has come to mean outside medical dictionaries. He is soo gorgeous inside and out and teaches all of us around him about what is really important in this life, what is beautiful in this world, and about unconditional love and acceptance. He is an incredibly special little boy!
I think we need to NOT become more relaxed around the use of the word retarded in such a negative way. It bothers me a lot that so many people use it so flippantly without any idea of the offense it will cause. Acceptance is the way forward people, difference is not bad, it is beautiful. It opens our eyes and teaches us things about ourselves and our world.
I have always felt uncomfortable when people use this word to describe someone who does something silly, mean, bad or gets extremely drunk. But I admit I didn't really know or understand my discomfort at the use of this word so I never really thought about it.
Then my friend had a son with a condition that medical dictionaries describe a feature of which to be mental retardation. I saw that she was hurt by the use of this word in a derogatory sense and so I felt offended on her behalf but I didn't truly understand her hurt.
However, the more time I spent with her little man the more I felt personally upset by the way people use this word too. Why? Because he is the exact opposite of what that word has come to mean outside medical dictionaries. He is soo gorgeous inside and out and teaches all of us around him about what is really important in this life, what is beautiful in this world, and about unconditional love and acceptance. He is an incredibly special little boy!
I think we need to NOT become more relaxed around the use of the word retarded in such a negative way. It bothers me a lot that so many people use it so flippantly without any idea of the offense it will cause. Acceptance is the way forward people, difference is not bad, it is beautiful. It opens our eyes and teaches us things about ourselves and our world.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Have you ever...
wanted to do something that you know MAY turn pear-shaped but could be JUST the thing you need at the time? Something like take your baby out of their cot while they are sleeping because the idea of sleepy snuggles is oh so sweet?
We did just that last night and it was so worth it!
Brendon was in a 'lola missing' kind of mood after a looong, cold and lonely train ride home last night. The sadness he was feeling was so clear when I spoke to him on the phone but I knew what would cheer him up. Jackson had fallen asleep in our bed with me (we watch tele in bed together when Bren isn't home). I would usually move him back to his bed before Bren arrives home but he looked so cute and snuggly I decided to leave him there. When Bren finally arrived home he got into bed with us and we snuggled our boy and marvelled at just how beautiful he is. Bren carried him back to bed and we kissed him goodnight. As we were walking past Millie's room I felt an overwhelming urge to get her up for snuggles too, so we did! Millie is not quite as sleepy as jackson and so the moment we lifted her out of her cot she woke up and we snuck her back to our bed. We put her in between us and Oh My Goodness she looked like the cat who got the cream! She had a great big smile on her face and put an arm around each of us. It was such a sweet moment and Daddy was happy again! Jackson and Millie are good like that!
We did just that last night and it was so worth it!
Brendon was in a 'lola missing' kind of mood after a looong, cold and lonely train ride home last night. The sadness he was feeling was so clear when I spoke to him on the phone but I knew what would cheer him up. Jackson had fallen asleep in our bed with me (we watch tele in bed together when Bren isn't home). I would usually move him back to his bed before Bren arrives home but he looked so cute and snuggly I decided to leave him there. When Bren finally arrived home he got into bed with us and we snuggled our boy and marvelled at just how beautiful he is. Bren carried him back to bed and we kissed him goodnight. As we were walking past Millie's room I felt an overwhelming urge to get her up for snuggles too, so we did! Millie is not quite as sleepy as jackson and so the moment we lifted her out of her cot she woke up and we snuck her back to our bed. We put her in between us and Oh My Goodness she looked like the cat who got the cream! She had a great big smile on her face and put an arm around each of us. It was such a sweet moment and Daddy was happy again! Jackson and Millie are good like that!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Terrifying
Imagine...
Brendon was out not celebrating his basketball grand final win last night (they lost), it was just me and the kids at home. I dont fall asleep usually until Brendon gets home, it's this weird thing about me, since i was small I have never been able to fall asleep until all members of the household are home. At 11.30 pm I suddenly sat up with a start as I could hear our dog charlie thumping her tail on the floor, something she does when she sees a person. My heart stopped as the next sound I heard was distinctly the sound of someone, a man, clearing their throat. Next our kitchen light turned on. The panic inside me was palpable, my heart was beating so fast and loud in my ears and I could not think straight, there WAS someone in the house.
I rang Brendon's phone, on instinct, to tell him to come home (he was pretty close by) and while doing it was praying i would hear his phone ringing, telling me it was him in the house. He didn't answer and I didn't hear his phone ringing! OH SHIT the person was leaving the kitchen. I quickly hung up from Brendon and rang 000 but wondered how or what I would say as my voice was gone and I didn't want to alert this person as to where I was. My panic was at fever pitch, the person was walking to our bedroom, I saw the shadow of someone walk into my room and then they spoke "did you just call me?" It was Brendon. I burst into tears and collapsed on the bed in a shaking mess. His phone had been on silent and amazingly I must have fallen asleep and not heard him until he was already well into the house. Absolutely unheard of, if I ever do dose off the moment his car is in the driveway i am wide awake. Most. Terrifying. Experience. EVER.
Brendon was out not celebrating his basketball grand final win last night (they lost), it was just me and the kids at home. I dont fall asleep usually until Brendon gets home, it's this weird thing about me, since i was small I have never been able to fall asleep until all members of the household are home. At 11.30 pm I suddenly sat up with a start as I could hear our dog charlie thumping her tail on the floor, something she does when she sees a person. My heart stopped as the next sound I heard was distinctly the sound of someone, a man, clearing their throat. Next our kitchen light turned on. The panic inside me was palpable, my heart was beating so fast and loud in my ears and I could not think straight, there WAS someone in the house.
I rang Brendon's phone, on instinct, to tell him to come home (he was pretty close by) and while doing it was praying i would hear his phone ringing, telling me it was him in the house. He didn't answer and I didn't hear his phone ringing! OH SHIT the person was leaving the kitchen. I quickly hung up from Brendon and rang 000 but wondered how or what I would say as my voice was gone and I didn't want to alert this person as to where I was. My panic was at fever pitch, the person was walking to our bedroom, I saw the shadow of someone walk into my room and then they spoke "did you just call me?" It was Brendon. I burst into tears and collapsed on the bed in a shaking mess. His phone had been on silent and amazingly I must have fallen asleep and not heard him until he was already well into the house. Absolutely unheard of, if I ever do dose off the moment his car is in the driveway i am wide awake. Most. Terrifying. Experience. EVER.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
I think I can...
thanks to wonderful people with big hearts.
Lola's birthday week was extraordinary, ordinary and everything I was not expecting it to be. It was a special time that we will remember fondly, amazingly. There were tears and heartache but for the most part we stayed close to each other and felt like we were being wrapped up in a wonderful warm hug by our friends and family. We had family staying with us who nurtured and cared for us allowing us to *just be*. No responsibility, no expectations, no demands. We received cards, gifts, flowers, messages and lots of pink cupcakes were baked and eaten in Lola's honour. Perhaps most special of all were the birthday cards written to Lola. It was so touching to read messages from our nearest and dearest to our baby girl, to read how they feel about her and what they wanted to say to her on her birthday. It was simple and beautiful.
And now here we are. We survived the first year. Our family is still strong. I can not help but feel triumphant that we made it through that, relatively intact. Honestly this is not how I expected to feel at this stage but here I am. It feels a little like the fog has lifted. Some of the weight on my shoulders has been released and I feel happy, happier than I have felt in a long while.
Thankyou to those that have helped carry us through that year. I really do feel like many of our friends and family have been going through all of this right along side us, and you didn't have to. You could have walked away, some did, but many have stayed with us through it all. You know who you are and we are forever grateful for that love and support.
Lola's birthday week was extraordinary, ordinary and everything I was not expecting it to be. It was a special time that we will remember fondly, amazingly. There were tears and heartache but for the most part we stayed close to each other and felt like we were being wrapped up in a wonderful warm hug by our friends and family. We had family staying with us who nurtured and cared for us allowing us to *just be*. No responsibility, no expectations, no demands. We received cards, gifts, flowers, messages and lots of pink cupcakes were baked and eaten in Lola's honour. Perhaps most special of all were the birthday cards written to Lola. It was so touching to read messages from our nearest and dearest to our baby girl, to read how they feel about her and what they wanted to say to her on her birthday. It was simple and beautiful.
And now here we are. We survived the first year. Our family is still strong. I can not help but feel triumphant that we made it through that, relatively intact. Honestly this is not how I expected to feel at this stage but here I am. It feels a little like the fog has lifted. Some of the weight on my shoulders has been released and I feel happy, happier than I have felt in a long while.
Thankyou to those that have helped carry us through that year. I really do feel like many of our friends and family have been going through all of this right along side us, and you didn't have to. You could have walked away, some did, but many have stayed with us through it all. You know who you are and we are forever grateful for that love and support.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Lola's Eulogy
Kristalee and I would like to thank everyone for the love and support we have received. We’ve been truly overwhelmed by the care and compassion we have been shown. Thank you.
Lola Constance Evelyn
You were born on Tuesday the 5th of May, 2009 at 11.56 AM. We got to hold you, kiss you, cuddle you and talk to you, our beautiful little angel. Although you weren’t able to respond to us, we know that you could feel every cuddle and kiss and hear every word we said. You know that our love is never ending, along with our sadness and sorrow. In the fullness of time our sadness and sorrow will diminish, but you will never be forgotten.
The last 9 months we have watched you grow, felt your movements, and listened to your heart, anticipating your arrival. Sadly when you did come, life was no more. Jackson was excited about having another baby sister, and lovingly chose your name. You gained your middle names from your great Nana and your great great Gran, who have provided love and support to us over the years, this is why these names were blessed on you, as we knew that your world was, and still is filled with love and support.
You’ll never get to play basketball with Jackson in his room, or play dolls with your big sister Millie, but we know in everything that we all do, you are part of it, and always will be. We won’t have the chance to see you smile, take your first steps, or hear your first words. We won’t have the chance to watch you develop into the beautiful girl, that I’m sure you would have, or become a woman and create your own life.
You are a part of our family, and will always be with us, at everything we do. Mummy and Daddy love you very much and always will. You are forever in our hearts.
*Brendon and I spent Mother's Day last year writing Lola's eulogy as her funeral was held the following morning. It was an incredibly hard day. Perhaps selfishly, I decided to pretend Mother's day was not happening last year. While it has been one year I kinda feel a lot like pretending it isn't happening again this year. I feel bad about ruining this day for my family by having this attitude. Anyway just want to say that I am thinking of all those that find Mother's day difficult, those that have lost a child, a pregnancy, struggling with fertility and those that have lost their own mothers! Thinking of you xxxx
Lola Constance Evelyn
You were born on Tuesday the 5th of May, 2009 at 11.56 AM. We got to hold you, kiss you, cuddle you and talk to you, our beautiful little angel. Although you weren’t able to respond to us, we know that you could feel every cuddle and kiss and hear every word we said. You know that our love is never ending, along with our sadness and sorrow. In the fullness of time our sadness and sorrow will diminish, but you will never be forgotten.
The last 9 months we have watched you grow, felt your movements, and listened to your heart, anticipating your arrival. Sadly when you did come, life was no more. Jackson was excited about having another baby sister, and lovingly chose your name. You gained your middle names from your great Nana and your great great Gran, who have provided love and support to us over the years, this is why these names were blessed on you, as we knew that your world was, and still is filled with love and support.
You’ll never get to play basketball with Jackson in his room, or play dolls with your big sister Millie, but we know in everything that we all do, you are part of it, and always will be. We won’t have the chance to see you smile, take your first steps, or hear your first words. We won’t have the chance to watch you develop into the beautiful girl, that I’m sure you would have, or become a woman and create your own life.
You are a part of our family, and will always be with us, at everything we do. Mummy and Daddy love you very much and always will. You are forever in our hearts.
*Brendon and I spent Mother's Day last year writing Lola's eulogy as her funeral was held the following morning. It was an incredibly hard day. Perhaps selfishly, I decided to pretend Mother's day was not happening last year. While it has been one year I kinda feel a lot like pretending it isn't happening again this year. I feel bad about ruining this day for my family by having this attitude. Anyway just want to say that I am thinking of all those that find Mother's day difficult, those that have lost a child, a pregnancy, struggling with fertility and those that have lost their own mothers! Thinking of you xxxx
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Happy Birthday Lola
I hope you can see how much everyone loves you and misses you and thinks about you!
You are super special my tiny girl xxxx
You are super special my tiny girl xxxx
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