If your child sleeps through the night,
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER
talk about it or celebrate it out loud.
If your child gets even the smallest inkling that sleeping through was AWESOME for you.
They will never do it again.
I know this, I have made this mistake (more than once) and my child has never slept through the night more than once.
That is all (for now)
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
The old and the new
The old -
2011 was alot about finding me again. I got the job I have been hankering for the last few years which saw me out of the home four days a week. This meant that the home maker/house parent role was shared much more evenly between Bren and I.
This in itself was bittersweet.
I love my job and confidence in myself grew at a great rate. However being a mother that works outside the home, as well as in the home, is a constant tug of war between being the best mother I can be and trying to maintain a high standard and regard in the workplace. The industry in which I work has a culture of putting work first, working whatever hours you need to get the job done and beyond, and there are very vulnerable lives affected by the work we do so the stakes are high. As a people pleaser and perfectioist I have struggled a lot with the idea that I would be letting people down or dissappointing them by choosing my family needs over work when that choice has arisen, or vice versa. It is a tough gig.
Juggling family and my career has been the big focus of 2011, it was no longer about finding our way through grief, surviving the loss of Lola. I guess it is true that life goes on. There is sadness in this idea though. I hate that Lola is so much less of a focus in ours and others lives. It's not that I want to live in sadness but rather that I want my daughter to matter. She is part of our every day in our little family. Her name is spoken literally every day. My children are growing up feeling her prescence and we are happy about that. But it isn't something that others ever talk to us about anymore and I find less and less reason to say her name outside our family. I accept this though even though I feel a bit sad about it.
The new
I want to find a way to bring in an income in a family friendly way. I want to work but I dont want to feel guilty about putting my own kids needs first. I'm not quite sure yet how this will happen, if I need to address this within my current role or if I need a career change or if we change things within our own family.
This year will be our last before Millie starts school. I hope to soak up every little bit of her this year before she goes off to school next year. (sniff, sniff)
We are rebuilding our lives bit by bit and I feel like we are in a moving forward stage. My thinking sometimes becomes catastrophic and I find myself holding my breath anticipating something terrible happening but I am trying to be more self aware and rational and can talk myself out of those thoughts.
I have high hopes of 2012 being a great year for us. I am pinning my hopes on getting more sleep, lord knows it is about time.
Happy New Year to you, my friend!
2011 was alot about finding me again. I got the job I have been hankering for the last few years which saw me out of the home four days a week. This meant that the home maker/house parent role was shared much more evenly between Bren and I.
This in itself was bittersweet.
I love my job and confidence in myself grew at a great rate. However being a mother that works outside the home, as well as in the home, is a constant tug of war between being the best mother I can be and trying to maintain a high standard and regard in the workplace. The industry in which I work has a culture of putting work first, working whatever hours you need to get the job done and beyond, and there are very vulnerable lives affected by the work we do so the stakes are high. As a people pleaser and perfectioist I have struggled a lot with the idea that I would be letting people down or dissappointing them by choosing my family needs over work when that choice has arisen, or vice versa. It is a tough gig.
Juggling family and my career has been the big focus of 2011, it was no longer about finding our way through grief, surviving the loss of Lola. I guess it is true that life goes on. There is sadness in this idea though. I hate that Lola is so much less of a focus in ours and others lives. It's not that I want to live in sadness but rather that I want my daughter to matter. She is part of our every day in our little family. Her name is spoken literally every day. My children are growing up feeling her prescence and we are happy about that. But it isn't something that others ever talk to us about anymore and I find less and less reason to say her name outside our family. I accept this though even though I feel a bit sad about it.
The new
I want to find a way to bring in an income in a family friendly way. I want to work but I dont want to feel guilty about putting my own kids needs first. I'm not quite sure yet how this will happen, if I need to address this within my current role or if I need a career change or if we change things within our own family.
This year will be our last before Millie starts school. I hope to soak up every little bit of her this year before she goes off to school next year. (sniff, sniff)
We are rebuilding our lives bit by bit and I feel like we are in a moving forward stage. My thinking sometimes becomes catastrophic and I find myself holding my breath anticipating something terrible happening but I am trying to be more self aware and rational and can talk myself out of those thoughts.
I have high hopes of 2012 being a great year for us. I am pinning my hopes on getting more sleep, lord knows it is about time.
Happy New Year to you, my friend!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Timeline
2nd day of my holidays
Last day of prep (waaaa)
Three days until Christmas
Last day of kinder
Last day of crèche
One month of holidays!!!!!!
Sunshine, beach, family, sleep ins, lazy lunches, presents, drinks, late nights, play dates, parties.
Everything is coming up roses
Last day of prep (waaaa)
Three days until Christmas
Last day of kinder
Last day of crèche
One month of holidays!!!!!!
Sunshine, beach, family, sleep ins, lazy lunches, presents, drinks, late nights, play dates, parties.
Everything is coming up roses
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
This weekends to do list
Wake up slowly, drink coffee, read the paper, let the kids choose our baking project, put the kids in charge of grocery shopping for said baking project, take a slow walk to the supermarket, enjoy the storms, watch a christmas movie, cover my baby in kisses, dance with my girls and boy, pash my husband, write christmas cards, wrap presents, eat watermelon, attend carols by candle light, snuggle under a rug, stay up late, get up early, hang the washing on the clothes line, dont answer my phone, dont check my emails, keep an eye out for santa, colour in, build with lego, forget work, plan summer holiday activities, have a water fight, got to bed early.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Disco Dayze part 2
Where was I?
Bren - is looking super hot at the moment. He has been working like a machine to get healthy and fit. When the man decides to do something, he bloody well does it. Seriously, his sudden commitment to this has been spectacular to watch. He is working really hard at home and work. Bren seems to have an issue with sitting still, he can't do it. He is always fixing something or making something or rewiring something or tidying something. It really does drive me up the wall, bonkers! Just sit for a bit man. The thing I love most about Bren is that he is one of the kindest men I know. He will do anything for you and people just feel 'at home', instantly, with him. You know those people who as soon as you meet them you feel like you have known them forever? That's my man. And did I mention he got my initial tattoo'd on his arm too? OK, so not JUST my initial, all of our initials down his forearm - KJMLL. How sweet is that! I love him dearly for the wonderful man that he is.
Me - I have been trying to take better care of myself too and technically I should be feeling healthy and energetic but considering the care I have been taking, I dont feel that good physically. Three pregnancies in three years has really taken it's toll on my body. Over a year since I was last pregnant I am still feeling the effects of it and don't feel like my body has fully recovered. I am determined to regain my strength though and I am willing to take my time in doing so.
I love my job, it brings me a lot of satisfaction, and helps us pay the bills. I have to admit though that my favourite daydream fantasy is to quit working, take Lucy out of creche and take care of my family full time. However if I have to work then this is the job I want to be doing.
We have had a lot of good times over the last few months. Admittedly we still have sad days or moments. Just last week actually I had a day that just kept coming up 'Lola'. These days are a lot easier to cope with now though. Lola is a part of our every day life now too. It was hard to imagine that would be possible two years down the track, in the early days. But she really is. The kids mention her all the time. I've heard Jackson's friends at school mention her because he must talk about her to them. Millie has been asking lots of questions about her and trying to work it all out. Whenever someing unexplainable happens one of us will always mention that 'it was Lola' or 'Lola is visiting' or sometimes we just feel her close.
P.s. The disco was so cute tonight. Not a lot of dancing so much running around playing chasey. He did bust a move every now and then though. *melt*
Bren - is looking super hot at the moment. He has been working like a machine to get healthy and fit. When the man decides to do something, he bloody well does it. Seriously, his sudden commitment to this has been spectacular to watch. He is working really hard at home and work. Bren seems to have an issue with sitting still, he can't do it. He is always fixing something or making something or rewiring something or tidying something. It really does drive me up the wall, bonkers! Just sit for a bit man. The thing I love most about Bren is that he is one of the kindest men I know. He will do anything for you and people just feel 'at home', instantly, with him. You know those people who as soon as you meet them you feel like you have known them forever? That's my man. And did I mention he got my initial tattoo'd on his arm too? OK, so not JUST my initial, all of our initials down his forearm - KJMLL. How sweet is that! I love him dearly for the wonderful man that he is.
Me - I have been trying to take better care of myself too and technically I should be feeling healthy and energetic but considering the care I have been taking, I dont feel that good physically. Three pregnancies in three years has really taken it's toll on my body. Over a year since I was last pregnant I am still feeling the effects of it and don't feel like my body has fully recovered. I am determined to regain my strength though and I am willing to take my time in doing so.
I love my job, it brings me a lot of satisfaction, and helps us pay the bills. I have to admit though that my favourite daydream fantasy is to quit working, take Lucy out of creche and take care of my family full time. However if I have to work then this is the job I want to be doing.
We have had a lot of good times over the last few months. Admittedly we still have sad days or moments. Just last week actually I had a day that just kept coming up 'Lola'. These days are a lot easier to cope with now though. Lola is a part of our every day life now too. It was hard to imagine that would be possible two years down the track, in the early days. But she really is. The kids mention her all the time. I've heard Jackson's friends at school mention her because he must talk about her to them. Millie has been asking lots of questions about her and trying to work it all out. Whenever someing unexplainable happens one of us will always mention that 'it was Lola' or 'Lola is visiting' or sometimes we just feel her close.
P.s. The disco was so cute tonight. Not a lot of dancing so much running around playing chasey. He did bust a move every now and then though. *melt*
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