Remembering

I propose a difficult week ahead. (as strange as that may sound, I do mean propose)
I wont be putting on a brave face.
I wont be pushing down my sadness.
I wont be disguising my feelings.
I wont be hiding in the bathroom to cry.
I wont pretend her birthday is a celebration.
This week I am doing what feels right.
I will be having days off,
moments to myself.
I will mention her name and bear my scars.

Every year, so far, I have not quite known how to mark the passing of another year. I have been torn between a celebration or a mourning. Either feels not quite right. I put pressure on myself to come up with a significant tradition or something to make the world remember. This year I will take each moment as it comes. No planning, no pressure, just one moment at a time.