Wednesday, February 6, 2013


I can't breath
My heart is beating crazy fast
I feel faint
Everything is black
What's wrong with me?
I'm going to die
Should I call for help?
I don't know what to do? I have noone to call.
I'm seeing stars
I remember someone I could probably call
I don't want to be a burden but I don't want to die.
I call
Then I am ok
and I realise I was having a panic attack
and I am sick of myself
I just want to be strong, and normal
I dont want to be a burden to my husband
my children
my family
my friends
and I hate myself for being exactly that.

Three triggers in 10 days. Unlucky?
Or a sign that I am not ok AGAIN.

Nowhere to turn. No time for a breakdown.
My pain. My heart. My head.
I am a messy mess.

Where to?

More counselling? More money down the drain that we JUST. CAN. NOT. AFFORD.
and for what.

Me to still not be ok.

No answers.

Just Drowning.