Sunday, May 2, 2010

How grief looks

...in this house today.

Today marks the one year anniversary of Lola's last moments on earth. A painful and sad day for our family. But grief does not look how you would imagine it looks, in this home.

As Lola's mum, dad and brother cling to each other and sob as they think of their loss they look down to see their two year old daughter/sister followed by a trail of wet footsteps as she comes to say "I wee'd mummy!" and they all laugh through their tears.

Lola's dad takes the kids for a swim to give mum some space ... so she can clean the house. As she cleans, she cries and listens to sad music, always thinking of the beautiful baby taken too soon.

Friends send their love and support and people all over the world think of this tiny baby they never met, putting a smile on the face of her family, momentarily giving them a break from the tears.

Lola's dad is called in to work, he has to go despite his heavy heart so he puts on a brave face and off he goes.

A candle shines brightly through the house on this day to show that they are thinking of her.

Life goes on.

This is not what I imagined grief would be like. I didn't imagine that life would go on, that while grieving I would also be doing ordinary things like cleaning up after my cute two year old who is toilet training. But the reality is that these are the things that have saved my life over this past year. My kids and my husband need me here. In those moments when I have contemplated not being here, the thought of leaving them behind has pulled me through.

We are asking you to light a candle for Lola today, the anniversary of her last day on earth. On her birthday, on wednesday, have a pink cupcake to say Happy 1st Birthday to Lola xxxx

4 comments:

E. said...

Thinking of you all. And will be thinking of you all on wenesday as well.

Anonymous said...

Reading this brings tears to my eyes...and a giggle too if i'm being honest...thanks Millie!

You never cease to amaze me with your strength, courage and honesty. I know Lola would be proud as punch of you today, tomorrow and every other day... i know i am.

Big hugs and much love to you all, always.
XXLiv

Jenn said...

Smiles through the tears... bless you Millie. What a wonderful family, all 5 of you xoxo

Racheous said...

Much love and strength to you. Thinking of Lola <3