Friday, February 25, 2011

This is what it's like ...

To have four children.

Sometimes one gets left out and it is usually the least demanding one. My sweet little Lola has been a little left out.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. But in recent times, she has occupied less of my mind than usual. It has been a while since I have looked through her box or at her photos, I have felt a pull to do exactly that tonight though and It takes but a moment to be transported back to the pain of saying goodbye to my baby.

She is so beautiful, I was looking for similarities to Lucy Rose but I have to say I wasn't struck by how much they look alike. This disappointed me as I see them as being so connected, I don't suppose this means they have to look alike too though.

As time goes by it can be hard to stay connected to my missing baby yet I feel a very strong desire to keep her memory in our family alive.


krissie said...

I think Lola would want to know her Mummy is happy. I doubt she wouldn't want you to be bogged down in grief. My kids are happiest when I am happy. She would know how much you love her- just because you are smiling and enjoying your life doesn't mean you have forgotten your pain and the loss of your baby girl. I'm so glad you have the photos of your family with Lola. What a special keepsake, so many families don't have that.
Through reading of your loss, I am heartbroken for you, but it makes me pull my own children a little closer, hold the little things dearer and not take them for granted. It must be so hard to share, but because you do, even those without loss can grab onto those we love and thank God for them.
Thinking of you xoxo

Anonymous said...

your gorgeous girl lola looks different in her newborn pictures because she's in a heavenly state of slumber in all of her pictures. but if lola were awake your gorgeous girl lola might have looked like an awake version of a newborn lucy. they will always be apart of each other, together as sisters-they are one, with both coming from the same mom and dad.