In a bid to have myself "surf able" next summer I have been pushing my body to new limits. I haven't felt really strong, in body, since I had my first baby and this year that must change. As such I made my way to the Kokada trail (out my way) with the intention of doing the 1000 steps, a really tough walk up a mountain which, funnily enough, includes 1000 steps.
However once I arrived I was not so sure. The place was jam packed with people, I struggled to find a car park. I knew this meant the steps would be busy and they are narrow. I also knew it was going to be a struggle for me to get to the top (I did the steps once late last year) and I felt embarrassed that so many would be witness to my struggle. I forced myself out of my car and checked out the map. There are five walks in this area and from what I could see the 1000 steps wasn't necessarily the toughest. About a few hundred metres to the left of the 1000 steps is a track that goes straight up the mountain. It is a steeper and longer walk but there are no steps. I decided to do it.
Within about 5 minutes I realised how hard it was going to be. I was already struggling but I had to keep going. As I was walking up I noticed a butterfly here and there which made me happy, as butterflies always do.
This walk was much quieter. I saw hardly anyone especially when I took a fork in the road that talk me the long way around, back down to my car. The first downward stretch I came to,I started to run, and got a piercing pain deep within my abdomen. At this point I felt hopeless. I wasn't doing the 1000 steps as per my intentions, I was in struggle town on the walk I was doing and I was in the middle of nowhere with noone around. I looked around me and again noticed the butterflies. So I kept walking.
Everytime I looked around there was ALWAYS a butterfly flying next to me.
It seemed like it was one butterfly next to me the whole time. It was completely overwhelming, so much so that at one point I burst in to tears. I felt pain and happiness at the same time. I needed to do this, I needed to believe in myself and I needed to continue working at getting strong. This was clear in my mind.
I feel a bit silly telling this story now, a few hours later. Maybe they were just butterflies and had nothing to do with Lola. All I do know is that at the time, up there alone on the mountain, there was no doubt in my mind that Lola was with me.