Today, at this moment, this rollercoaster has me in a good place. I am feeling the absence of Lola very much this festive season but I am also feeling ... I dont know? Acceptance? Calm? Peace?
A lot of what has been eating me up in recent months has been others reactions to me, our family, our ways of expressing our grief, our journey through this grief, others judgements and opinions on how or what we are doing to heal. So few people have an understanding of how we are feeling, more people show compassion but many judge! I care a lot less about this now.
I have realised that our love for Lola is unconditional, as a parents love should be, but this also means that our love transcends life. It isn't conditional on her being alive. The same way that we have a need to show our love for Jackson and Millie, we need to find ways to show our love for Lola too. That is what we are doing this festive season, actually that is what we will do forever.