It feels a bit like Christmas

I have been trying so hard to give my kids the most wonderful Christmas ever this year. We have been hurtling through December at full speed with barely a moment to ourselves, hardly a moment to stop and think. We have been having a load of fun participating in all things Christmas. We have been feeling incredibly happy at times. However you just cant escape the obvious gaping whole in our family at this time of year, no matter how much you try.
This time last year we were dreaming of this Christmas with three babies, our complete family. I took a photo of the kids in our (empty) fireplace for our christmas card and planned on making that a tradition every year. We took the photo this year but I cant send it. It makes me too sad. Writing Christmas cards has just been an undoable task this year.
I have sunk. I am exhausted. I have hit a roadblock and feel miserable. It would be quite nice to go to bed tonight and wake up on boxing day.
We are leaving for our caravaning holiday on Christmas afternoon. This is exciting and scary at the same time. We are going to the same place as last year. It is the kind of place where all the same people turn up each year. It is a pretty special spot but again the fact that Lola is not there will be glaring us in the face. Our caravan neighbours will be expecting us to have our baby. That could be a bit awkward.
I hate to say a goodbye on such a sad note but this is where I am.
Our family is sending your family lots of happy wishes for Christmas. We really hope you have a fabulous Christmas, we will try our best to do the same too. Thankyou for all the continued support you have shown us this year. (The Christmas decorations arriving on our doorstep have put a big smile on our faces)
Goodbye for a few weeks our friends xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx