nearly 11 months down the track I am still gut wrenchingly devastated.
Compounded by the stomach turning fear and anxiety I feel every day because I am pregnant again and I am finding it so hard to imagine that this pregnancy might end with a baby breathing in my arms.
Embittered by the fact that I am bleeding on and off. Something that has never happened in pregnancy for me before except two days before Lola died.
Made worse by the thought that I should by planning a 1st birthday party. Instead I am trying to think of a way to keep Lola's memory alive and wondering if our loved ones will be offended by a gathering at one year anyway.
Exacerbated by the expectations of others that we will be ok because they no longer know what to say or feel uncomfortable sitting with our pain.
It's where I'm at, noone said this journey would be pretty.