28 weeks pregnant today.
While many women are fairly relaxed about their pregnancy at this stage (you know because they are out of the 'danger' period), my anxiety is increasing every day. It is really hard to concentrate on anything other than whether my baby is moving or not and whether she is growing as she should be, or not. I always knew that my fourth pregnancy (from the time we started to consider a fourth) was going to become increasingly difficult.
I know that I can not live through the loss of another baby, I just can't.
However, the care I am receiving is second to known. I have utmost trust in the doctors looking after me. They are leaving no stone unturned and nothing to chance. I am having fortnightly check-ups and scans to track my babies growth as that will be how we can tell if things are not right and while we want the baby to stay where she is for the time being, any indication that her growth is slowing, then I'll be induced.
Despite the excellent care, I am feeling like the weight of responsibility to keep my baby alive rests with me. It is up to me to monitor her movements, it is up to me to decide if we need to go in for monitoring, it is up to me to know if things are not right. If things go wrong, well, it is my body that has failed our baby, it is me that will have let everybody down, again.
I am living in hope of the day that our story comes full circle and we announce the safe arrival of an extra special and amazing new member of our family!