I am wishing hard and pinning all my hopes on the safe arrival of our new baby making all the difference to our family. I have had it in my mind that things will get better, easier, when our new little bundle arrives. I have been told by those that have walked this path before that that may very well be the case.
BUT sometimes I get confused, and forget how many babies I have had or have or will have or should have. That is a little strange right? At yet another emergency room visit last week the nurse asked me what number pregnancy this was. I answered four. Correct! She then asked me how many children I had. I answered three. Wrong! Brendon corrected me and I turned crimson with embarrassment. When I think of my family being complete when our baby arrives it just doesn't sit right. There will be three children but now it feels like there should be four. I will have been pregnant four times and I should have four children but one is missing, one is gone. This baby can't, wont and shouldn't fill that void, there will always be one missing, Lola will always be missing.
4 comments:
Big hugs. xx
You do have three children, two living, and one little angel...(and one beautiful babe still to come!)if people can't cope with hearing that, that's their problem.....when I am asked the same question, I feel the same, I should say three, and sometimes I do, because I want my Angel to always have a place in my family too!....but sometimes I find it easier to just say "two"...and then i feel guilty, that she'll think I have forgotten her....but I promise you, Angel, I always remember you, every day! xxx to you Kristalee - you are doing so well!
Absolutely you have three children. Two here by your side and one in your heart. Think of how much love, love, love she brought to you, what having her -if even for a moment-meant to you, to meet her, to hold her, to love her. You will always be her mummy, Lola will always be your daughter, always a part of your family. peace to you.
Kristalee
18 years later I still look around for the other child. SOmetimes I get confused and think one is missing. I have three with me and one long gone to heaven.
She is missing and still missed As will Lola be. Forever.
She was very beautiful. x
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