Friday, January 1, 2010

Lost

No direction.
No motivation.
No energy.
Broken.
Leaving 2009 behind is like walking away from a war. I am bruised and battered and limping away from this war that I lost. Or did I? I guess I am still here. My family is intact, just. It just doesn't feel like a win.
Last night the last song they played before the fireworks was 'Lola' by the Kinks. I should have been happy and thinking that Lola was looking out for us. I just cried through the whole song. She should have been there.
I have never cried at midnight on New years before last night.
I guess I will just pick myself up and brush myself off and try again.
I have big plans and ideas and goals for 2010.
They might have to wait till tomorrow, or the next day, or next week. I am bloody tired!

4 comments:

Leanne said...

Oh Darl, You know that we are with you all the way, and will always be there to help pick you up when you fall down and to encourage you when you take little steps forward.
Sending you lots of love, hugs and kisses from all of us xxxxx

asuckerforgerberas said...

Wishing you a peaceful, productive 2010 and sending all the energy I can spare, e*

sofrenchysochic said...

That would have been heartwrenching. I find NYE to be an emotional time, there seems to be so much we are forced to file in our memories under "2009", and the thoughts of the year ahead can be daunting. I hope that in 2010 you reach all of your goals, your plans turn out well, and your ideas come into fruition.

xAnnie

mand said...

Yet more {hugz}...
So many songs seem to be about 'lost my baby' etc.

(Yet another date you have survived.)