Saturday, July 4, 2009

2 month anniversary

Tomorrow will be two months since my lovely Lola was born. I guess I thought I might be less sad at this point but really the missing is still just as strong, actually maybe stronger now because life is moving on all around us but we still dont have Lola. Can anyone give me a ballpark figure on when things might start to get easier? That would be great people, a coment below or even an email would be appreciated with a timeframe.

One of the positive things to come out of this, maybe Lola's gift to me, is that I am drinking in every little bit of Jackson and Millie, I am not taking any moments with them for granted. Yesterday I had a small but beautiful moment with Jackson. It started absolutely pouring down with rain outside, he turned to me and with the cheekiest grin on his face he said he wanted to go out to the garage to see his Dad. I started to say NO but then thought, why not, so he'll get wet, he can just get changed. I said ok but you need to put your jumper and gumboots on. Jackson agreed and giggled the whole time he hurriedly put them on. He then ran out into the rain but kept looking back to me waving and giggling. It was just too too cute.

Millie brings me just as much pleasure. I am one of those annoying mums who asks their babies for kisses all the time (my favourite thing in the world is my babies kisses). Millie finds it terribly boring though so in order to encourage her every time she does finally pucker up I throw my arms up in the air and say 'Yay for kisses'. So now every time Millie goes to give me a kiss she throws her arms up and yells 'Yay' only she does it just before the kiss so I miss out on the actual kiss every time! Bless her.

Tomorrow my wonderful aunty is arriving to stay with us for one whole week. She loves and misses Lola just as much as we do so spending the day with her tomorrow is just perfect.

I love this photo because it represents all the maternal figures in my life supporting me and loving Lola xxx


KHJaT said...

Kristalee, what a gorgeous photo. So much love for you and Lola. I hope it starts to get easier for you soon. Having not ever had to deal with this kind of grief, I have no idea how long it will take for you. Don't feel guilty when you do start to feel less sad. You will always love and miss Lola, and she will never be forgotten either, but hopefully some of the pain will fade in time.

You have such beautiful kids. Keep covering them with kisses (if they let you!) You are in my thoughts today. Enjoy the time with your Aunty and cousin.


Anonymous said...

That is such a beautiful photo.

I don't know when it will get easier either, just that in time it will.

Jackson and Millie are so adorable!

Kat said...

The counting is hard we all do it. I dont think we ever get over it, but we learn to move forward in positive steps hon. Atleast this is what I am trying to do. You cope how you cope and B copes how he does. Sometimes thats on the one track, other times its on different but at the end the love for our angel children does bring those trains home to the RoundHouse!

Lola will always be apart of you, the days are very hard and its the counting part I wish I could stop doing.
Be kinder to yourself this wasnt your fault honey. I dont know what the message is but its there somewhere.

Love to you and yours