Monday, August 31, 2009

Putting it out there

There is no eloquent way I can think of to write how I am feeling so I'll just put it in the words that are most truthful but let me warn you it is not pretty, in fact it is pretty darn ugly. I feel shit! I am yearning for my baby daughter in a way I cant describe, it is pain and hurt and questions that can never be answered. I want to disappear into the literal black hole my head is already living in. I dont want to talk to anyone or see anybody I just want to be by myself so i can get better. I dont know if that would work though or if it would make me worse. I am functioning every day, my kids are happy and settled and understand that sometimes mummy cries because she misses Lola, if you see me or talk to me I am fine. It is in the moments that I stop for a minute and think of that sweet and beautifully perfect little face that this awful and overwhelming grief hurts my heart.

6 comments:

megs said...

Hug.x

Melissa said...

I am having the same kind of day hun.

I'm thinking of you and sending you big hugs xxxxxxx

Chantelle said...

Oh honey.

I know words aren't going to help. Just know I am always thinking of you. x

benmaclil said...

Thinking of you all always x

Sandra @ Pepperberry & Co. said...

I'm so sorry to hear your tale of the beautiful Lola and how missing her spirit is affecting you now. My thoughts are with you, and the little angel Lola who is flapping her tiny, fluffy wings and smiling down on you xxx

Chelle, Nick and Raya said...

Feeling like this is 100 per cent understandable and I am thinking of you xx