What's on MY bedside table?

This was the title of a blog this challenge a couple of weeks ago. When I saw it I thought about whether I should share what is on my bedside table. Anyway I was totally on the wrong track. They didn't mean 'literally' what's on your bedside table but rather what are you reading. I have decided to be brave and show you what is on my bedside table anyway and tell you what is so precious about it.



Do you see that cream coloured box at the back to the left? That is Lola's ashes. I have thought a lot about what we should do with them, and every option makes me feel ill to my stomach, other than having her ashes right there next to me while I sleep. My heart cannot bear the thought of letting go of her by spreading her ashes somewhere or burying them, I just want her with me always. Is that creepy?
The box is the one from the crematorium so it is very plain and not very pretty. I have been thinking/looking for something prettier to keep her ashes in but have had no luck yet. If you see something in your travels let me know ok?

The little doll and the pink bunny rug you may recognize from the photo's we had done of Lola, I slept with them in the weeks following her birth because they had that intoxicatingly beautiful newborn baby smell. The smell is gone and I dont sleep with them anymore but I still keep them close by.