Saturday, September 19, 2009
and I am down.
It hit me like a tonne of bricks again tonight, I dont have my baby girl Lola, she died, she died needlessly. Grief is a funny thing. I have been cruising along in sweet denial the last couple of weeks. Not daring to think of her. I have my strategies, I avoid phone calls, social occasions, friends, family. Then sometimes out of the blue it strikes me right here, in my heart and I cant push that pain away. I have to just feel it, let it overwhelm me, weep, listen to the song that reminds me of her, look at the photo's, try to recall the way her cheek felt against mine, allow my arms to ache.
Am I hurting myself by locking myself away from the world? I dont think I am, I think I am doing what I need to do to heal. All I can hope is that my friends and family will not hold it against me and will still be there when I am ready to join the world again.
Image: The heart that loved her