Sunday, June 7, 2009

Excitement

Is a grieving mother allowed to feel excited? 1 month and 2 days after her daughter has died? I didn't think so. I thought I would still be living in a cave of darkness and pain, some days I still am there, but today I am excited and subsequently feeling guilty about that excitement!

Lovely friends of ours are having an engagement party at a bar in the city tonight so we have booked a hotel, the kids and our puppy are having a sleepover at Nanna's and I have a new dress to wear. I get to drink Champagne with our fabulous friends and, well, I am a bit partial to a few champagnes. All things to be excited about under normal circumstances.

This is my first social engagement since Lola died. It could potentially be a disaster for us. I still look a bit pregnant and my dress doesn't exactly hide my belly. What if someone asks when I'm due? Or asks me how many children I have? We had planned to only go for a couple of hours as I would be breastfeeding a teeny little bubba, what if the thought of this makes me sad while out in public. I am not keen on a public display of grief.

I am going to be positive about tonight though. It is a good opportunity for my husband and I to go out and have a great time with our friends, something we havn't been able to do for about two years because I have been pregnant then breastfeeding and then pregnant again for all that time. Wish me luck!!

2 comments:

Brulee said...

Hey Kristalee,

I hope you and Booga have THE most relaxing and enjoyable evening possible. You guys certainly deserve it! Yes, you can still be excited about things. No, you shouldn't feel guilty about it.

I'm sure that Lola would be so pleased to see her mummy and daddy with a smile on their faces. Have a great night make the most of it.

Kim
xoxo

Chantelle said...

You're allowed to feel however you need to feel. xx